These are all of the people who help me do what I do. Read up on them and THANK THEM. Thank them HARD…and kiss them.
Yanni is the New Age superstar of our parents’ (40-year-old women’s) generation. starting with the baby-steps of instrumental, ambient sounds and weird orchestral overtones ornamented with a full tuft of mustache, Yanni has since moved on to make A-list hip-hop and rap beats of the freshest nature with close friend and frequent collaborator orson welles, as well as artists such as the pet shop boys, rebecca black, and fred durst’s solo career.
Yanni has recently admitted that he was a god all along, and has since gained a small, albeit insane religious following. yanni has chosen our website to spread his word because “the weakest camel gives the most milk” and Yanni indeed has a lot of milk to give.
Thank you, Yanni.
After getting a little bored with Heaven (too much of a good thing) and getting stressed with the way the mainstream entertainment circuit were running things, Orson Welles, yes, thee Orson Welles, maker of Citizen Kane, came back from the dead to start a career in rap music and reclaim his title as “King of the Film Industry”. He’s the front man of rap supergroup The Sex Mops alongside producer/hype man/friend Yanni. The group recently released their debut album A Chorus Of Angel Butts to critical acclaim in the small midwest rap circuit. Orson Welles will stop at nothing to gain mainstream recognition as well as positive critical reception and is currently on the hunt for a mainstream label.
Attached to Kent’s leg is Kentfoot, a stumbling drunken foot who got his start as a child actor. His rocky career path has been filled with many ups and downs, causing him to work with everyone from Meryl Streep to Pauly Shore. Constantly in and out of rehabilitation and courtrooms for substance abuse and sexual harassment, Kentfoot’s unpredictable behavior keeps everyone on their toes. He is single.
Disgusted with the world, Amoeba spends most of his days trying to take it over by creating extravagant plans that usually involve “devouring mortals” and “philanthropy.” When Amoeba is not trying to take over the world, he is a political activist, a fashion model/designer, an aspiring rapper, and a journalist trying to get the hard facts of Chicago. He is also single.
WUNDERTWINS HO! Hailing from U of M, these no-nonsense superhero brothers were reunited by a special medallion in the third grade: KENT KIRBY. The duo consists of James Malleis- the dupe and deliver dutyman and Kyle Hagen- The smooth talkin’ strongman. When separate, completely powerless and hostile, but together they are a smooth powerful amalgam of MAN-CREAM. Meet them at your local Borders for a signing……OF YOUR BRAIN!
Reigning from the University of Michigan, Garrett grew up in Highland, MI. He is the self-proclaimed “best knitter in the world.” And as a matter of fact, Garrett’s and Kent’s thoughts are actually synonymous due to the last four digits of their social security numbers being identical. In his free time, he enjoys playing video games, punching babies, playing with bees, long walks on the beach, fighting midgets, and more bees. Garrett is attracted to the scent of the Monster energy drink. With just one can, he can leap average chairs in a single bound! You don’t want to know what he is capable of with two or three…
This modern-day Chomsky has mastered the pinnacle of linguistic humor: the pun. Watson. Who is Robert? World-renowned artistic geniuses have incorrectly defined his writings as ingenious. Some would classify his wit as dry; others would more accurately describe it as outdated and nonsensical. He is ever wary and never vigilant, and his knowledge of prehistoric herpetological factoids is unperpendiculared. The latter detail being what brought Robert and Kent into communication; though it soon became apparent Kent knew little of newts. Irregardless, they forge on (despite any knowledge of metalwork) turning semantic shards into Andúrils. In sum, Robert’s firm grasp of the English language has left it blue and gasping for breath.
There is more than meets the eye when your eyes meet the voluptuous bod of the classic American Mike Klaric. A cinematography major at Columbia College Chicago, Mike spends most of his nights crying and weeping over his life as a tortured artist or celebrating the number of hairs that make up his mustache (405). Ya dig? Yeah, you dig.
My name is Travis. I have known Kent since the seventh grade. I like things. Sometimes. If I could be one thing for a day, it would be Kent’s leg hair, because there is only one of them, and I would therefore be very unique. Here’s a picture of me!
Born into a small town, Stephanie Alonzi never felt allowed to express her true creativity until invited into Kent’s writing staff. She aspires to be John Stamos for a day to pick up chicks and then slap them in her Mercedes.
Since emerging from the womb, Mark has realized more and more that he is a stranger in this place most humans identify as the world. He does not belong in this time of technological advancement and heartless females. Mark copes with his troubles by watching infomercials for Doo Wop oldies CDs in his dark apartment every night. This helps bring him back to the good old days that he never had, but desires more than life itself. Mark makes strange noises and imitates people, which at first glance appears to be meaningless, but on this beautiful site it is not. Being an aspiring actor/comedian, Mark sometimes feels like a monkey puppet in a real boy’s body and that everyone wants him to dance for them… “dance monkey” they say. How does he deal with this you ask? He just dries his eyes and sells out to the Man.
Although he is currently a student at Columbia College Chicago majoring in playwriting, T.J. once grew up in a small town by the name of Alma. It was in Alma that T.J. lived out the essential teenage experience: going on adventures to claim a dead body, finding buried treasure, and of course, playing with his foreskin. Alma was also where he met Kent Kirby, whom he has written various forms of comedic material with ever since (this material includes foreskin tasering). When asked how T.J. feels about myfavoritekirby.com, he responded with a sigh: “Kent is always eating a leaf and acting like a koala baby. What’s not to like?”
Preston Hagerman Writer
Preston has many certifications in various different fields, but most importantly he is a certified jack ass. The true careless prick of his time, Preston delights in using his self-acclaimed superior intellect for evil purposes such as saran wrap on the toilet seat and taking advantage of peanut allergies. He dreams of starting a cult and resurrecting the corpse of Dom Deluise.